Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
