I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
