nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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