Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
