Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
