Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Come on in and take your pants off
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