she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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