i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I party with great urgency now.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
