Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
