There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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