So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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