I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
