He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
