Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
