I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You are the jesus of drinking
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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