So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
