you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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