Umm I'm too high to move.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
