On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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