if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize