i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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