Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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