He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
