He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
