when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Dick very happy bro
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
