I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
