We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
