I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
