I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
