The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
