PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
