I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
