Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
