I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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