Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
