Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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