I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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