hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
