If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
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