I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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