I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Hippo gnu deer
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
