U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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