I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
