oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
