we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
