at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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