ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
