I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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