I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
