seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
