So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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