Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
