I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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