So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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