Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize