Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
