i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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