dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
