It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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