have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So much rum. So many feels.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
not ubering you a puppy
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
