Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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