I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
