i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
