is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize