What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
