i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
how drunk are you?
Several
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
