Just fell off a train. Bad.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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