I puked a lego.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
