im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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