I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
