What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
