he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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