You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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