I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Randomize
