Don't you send me to vm
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
