We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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