An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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