3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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