You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I want her autograph on my taint
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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