Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
BRING THE BAGELS
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
