i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
