My liver just broke up with me...
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
