My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
