Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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