just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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