I don't usually arrange sex via text message
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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