she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
