The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
